Hello all!
I realize I'm not very good at this whole "blog" thing. I constantly forget that this thing exists. So, I'm sorry that months go by without any updates.
Miss Madelyn is now almost five months old. She amazes me more and more every day. She has developed her own little personality. She is a spunky little lady and constantly makes me laugh. Last week she perfected the art of raspberry blowing. She sits there and blows raspberries and thinks it's hilarious when you blow them back. Yesterday Madelyn hit the next milestone and rolled over for the first time! I knew it was going to happen because she kept on rolling onto her side, so I sat there watching and waiting to capture the first roll on my cellphone. A story came on the Today Show that I was interested in so I watched it for literally 30 seconds and when I looked back at Mads she was on her belly. Just my luck! I squealed because I was so excited for her, which ended up startling her and made her flop back onto her back, haha. She rolled again right after, so even though I missed the first official roll, I still got to document the second.
Josh's brother, Jason, came up from Florida on Sunday so we had Christmas early with Jason, his wife Michelle, and their parents. Madelyn surely got spoiled by her Aunt and Uncle, and of course her grandparents. I have no idea where we will put all of the gifts that Madelyn has gotten and has yet to get.
As Christmas quickly approaches, I find myself with mixed feelings this year. Of course, I am excited to be celebrating our first Christmas as a family of three. Josh and I have truly been blessed this year with our beautiful, healthy, happy baby. My heart is filled with so much joy! Along with that joy comes a bit of sorrow. Christmas is special in my heart for more than the fact of it just being Christmas. December 25th is also my grandfathers birthday. Not a day goes by that I don't miss him. I miss his voice. I miss his smell. I miss that he was the only person to call me "Emmy", even when I was a junior in high school. I miss how he would ask every time we were in the car, "do we have everybody?". And I miss him saying "let's take the scenic route" every time he had to take us home from somewhere. He would then proceed to drive past our road and drive around the block. At the time I hated the "scenic route"... I wanted to just get home, but I would do anything to take the scenic route with him now.
Every year is rough without him here but this year has hit the hardest. I mourn the fact that Madelyn will never meet her great grandfather, Noel. I know that this sweet baby girl would have had him by the heartstrings from the start. Grandpa was a sucker for the cute little girls of the family. I know that she would have held a special place in his heart.
As this holiday season nears, be sure to cherish your time with your lived ones. You never know what next year will bring. I've never forgiven myself for missing my last chance to see my grandfather. It was a Sunday. My family was heading to buffalo to visit with my grandfather in the hospital like they did every Sunday. I didn't want to go. I was stubborn and selfish and put up a fight about going. My parents let me stay home. When my parents returned that evening they told me he had been having a good day, health wise. They also said he had been asking where I was. Monday came and during lunchi was called to the office at school. As soon as I saw my parents standing there I knew what they were there to tell me. For my own selfish and childish reasons I missed my last chance to see my grandfather. I lost my last chance to tell him I loved him. I dont regret much that's happened in my life, but that I do regret. I'm not posting this looking for people to say things to make me feel better or to feel bad for me. I'm posting this hoping that I will finally be able to let it go. I'm also posting this to remind people to appreciate their loved ones. I pray that no one has to feel guilt about not getting to tell a loved one that you love them and appreciate them.
I want to wish you all happy holidays and hope the new year brings you nothing but joy. Much love.
